So I was sitting on the couch watching tv when my dad brought up the wedding of a girl I used to be in youth group with me. I was somewhat aware of her wedding as he mentioned it before,but now it had a name and date…I think. I took the posting and sent it to a friend. I mocked and poked fun at the aesthetic the bride had chosen- Hometown Country something or other (despite her mom bragging last summer how she lived in a big city). This mom has always been this way (inflated and bourgeois), they were quintessential basic. So this had been a thorn in my side for awhile and this just took the cake. Honestly, I was jealous. Jealous that she gets to sit back and relax in holy matrimony while too many of us struggle to even afford food. Over the years, I have watched others start off bright then dim after they settled down. They settle into life and you really have nothing in common with them anymore. And I am jealous of that, because usually that means some kind of security. While I’m running around doing my best to get a full-time job, many don’t have to. While I’m struggling to even make rent, they have a house. It’s like this surreal world that I want to be so badly part of so I can have that security,but know that the ship had sailed right past me. Honestly, too many years of struggling makes one fantasize this kind of security.
But then it hit me of this rather peculiar phenomenon; some women’s styles stop evolving after they settle down. It’s like a time warp back to 2007. Their behaviors also reflect this phenomenon as well. In this particular example, the bride to be was wearing some kind of loose dress and squirrly cowboy boots. They seem so happy. Comfortable yet still good enough for grocery shopping. Many of them don’t have big makeup or hair. They seemed almost subdued. Then I get struck with this other fear. Will this happen to me? Will I settle into a dated style? Will I wear “comfortable” clothes? Will I lose my love for fashion and beauty? Did these girls love fashion and makeup too? What really happens? Is it some kind of rite of passage in becoming a middle class wife? If so, who are the enforcer of these norms? What kind of role does media play into phenomenon? Wait will I trade my Vogue in for Glamour?
Then a panic sets in, what if I’m “forbidden” to by any more Ted Baker bags? What if Nordstrom or Dillard’s is simply out of the budget? What if I don’t get to visit many places anymore because we have to be in more “family friendly” locations? What will happen to a possible writing or political career? Do I really belong to that surreal secure world of Middle Class America? Will I dim as well? What will become of my dreams? I love my boyfriend with all of my heart,but I’m scared because I have seen many lose themselves to a relationship. I have seen many give up chunks of their lives for this security. I’ve never been this far in a relationship and it’s scary. I’m grateful that he loves my style,but I understand the power of influence.
What’s the fix? Well I’m booking a flight to Vegas and wearing what I always wear there. A cute dress and my most rhinestone covered sandals from Dillard’s. Because if I’m going to dim, I might as well have the lights of Las Vegas brighten me up even for a moment.