Glitter! Something that always has some presence in my life. Somewhere,somehow it’s always there. Body glitter, glitter glue, glitter eyeshadow! It is one thing that always seems to pick me up from where I fell. Recently, I had a random run-in with glitter. I was on the leg press machine at the gym. I wanted to strengthen my legs as I used to be so impressed with how much weight they could push.
Over the last few years, I didn’t think too much about them or the rest of my body as I continued to degrade myself internally for gaining 100lbs without any break. It was a steady 5 years and PCOS robbed my thoughts,my ideas, and my self confidence. For the longest time I thought I would never lose any weight and would only gain more weight. At that point of time, glitter was used as eyeshadow and temporary tattoos. It had covered a couple of purses with a sheer confidence that I wish I had. This glitter replaced the glitter covering my body and outfits as I walked around groups of men in sky high heels and tiny spandex outfits waiting for my name to be called to the stage. Glitter was the thing that gave me the guts to apply to be a stripper as one had covered my chest in it a few days prior. The glitter she rubbed off had this electric sweetness to it which seduced my curiousity for this job/subculture. This glitter was also used as a boundary because most men didn’t want to come home covered in it.
As I push the weights back, I see a shiny speck on the bridge of my tennis shoe. It was red. When did I use or have red glitter? I kept thinking about and came up with nothing. Nothing! This mysterious piece of glitter found my rather drab shoe and stuck there. My legs tire but I keep going just staring at the single sparkly speck. I watch it dance against the bright gym lights. My eyes narrow and focus on it as my body comes closer to giving up. But I finish the set. Thanks glitter!
Two days later, I am on the same machine again working on the body which I thought I needed to give up on. I press the weights and wait to see if the sparkly speck is there. Nope! Where is it? I need it today! Today of all days! I am having a rough morning and two interviews and I need you glitter! Where are you glitter? It’s gone! No good buy! No replacement speck! Nothing! I sit back and finish the set defeated. That little speck gave me so much joy just a couple of days ago and now it’s gone. I sigh softly and get off the machine. I don’t look for it any further. This little red glitter had been the only positive thing within the last couple of days. My email was rought with a continuous flow of rejection emails from potential employers. I never heard back from any of the jobs I had interviewed for. I’m flat broke and I felt out of place here. Glitter made that dah worth while and now it has gone on to help another sad and lost soul. All I can say is thank you glitter! You were there when I needed you! You were there to cheer me up! You were there to help me see my own sparkle!